What's worse?

The fact that some youth baseball league in New Haven, Connecticut banned a 9-year-old from pitching because he was "too good" and that his fastball was "frightening to opposing batters"...

OR...

The fact that the kid's parents are suing the league for an undisclosed amount of money.

Here's my take:

Refusing to let a kid play because he's "too good" is EVERY FUCKING THING that is wrong with youth sports today. What are these kids supposed to do when they're older?
"I'm sorry Jimmy, but your commission for the year was so much more than the rest of the employees in our company that we have to fire you."
I hate to sound like some Nike commercial but guess what? Sports is about competition. There are winners and losers. It's unavoidable.
In today's current atmosphere of "everyone gets a trophy", what are our kids learning, that striving for mediocrity is what it's all about?
It's impossible for everyone to be #1.
So stop overprotecting your kids. Let them find out how good (or bad) they really are. You'll do them (and the rest of the world) a huge favor by letting them discover their strengths and weaknesses.
Some people are meant to be professional baseball players.
Some are meant to be accountants.
And there's nothing wrong with either.

One on the other hand, any judge who agrees to give this family even one dime should be removed from the bench. You want to sue the league to let your kid play? That's fine with me. But asking for money? The last time I checked, 9-year-olds don't get paid to play.

If you can't tell, this issue has pissed me off just a tad.

But I feel better now.

How about checking my hangnail?

From the "You Gotta Be Shittin' Me" department:

OLYMPIAN KICKS REFEREE IN THE FACE



Okay, admit it.
Anyone who competed in an athletic event wanted to do
something like this at one time or another.

But here's the thing. We didn't.
This mental midget not only followed through on his lack of self-control but did it AT THE OLYMPICS. Nice career move.

Funny enough, the guy was disqualified for taking too much injury time after hurting his leg.

This takes "open mouth, insert foot" to a whole new level...

Let the speculation begin

Now that Osi Umenyiora is done for the season, how many "Michael Strahan mulling return" stories are we going to be inundated with over the next month?

Where's the blank tile?

Why does it seem as though every celebrity with a newborn goes about naming it like they were forced to use a bad batch of Scrabble letters?

The latest case in point - Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. (Gwen Stefani's latest bundle of joy).

Kill me. Kill me now.

For the record, here's some other future playground fodder.
"Bluebell Madonna" - (offspring of Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice).
"Destry" - (Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw).
"Hopper" - (Sean Penn and Robin Wright).
"Zola Ivy" - (Eddie Murphy and Nicole Mitchell).
"Aanisah" - (Macy Gray).
"Aurelius Cy" - (Elle Macpherson and Arpad Busson).
"Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily" - (Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence).

There are those who shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. Then there's those who are too egotistical to remember that the kid is the one who has to live with the name.

Here's a thought

For the last two days, all anyone covering the Olympics can talk about is how unfair the judging is in women's gymnastics. So here's my suggestion as to how to fix it.
Get rid of the event.
ANYTHING, and I mean anything, that relies on any kind of judging to determine the outcome should be removed. You can have your World Championships and whatever other kind of events you want, you just can't be in the Olympics.
The Olympic ideal is about being the fastest or the strongest.
Run faster than everyone else, here's a gold medal. I don't care if your form isn't pretty, just get there first.
If you think about it, all anybody does is bitch about the judging. So my solution is absolutely ideal.
It would also save us the trouble of trying to understand what the hell Bela Karolyi is saying.

Open foot, insert extremely big mouth

To: Alain Bernard,
Anchor
French Olympic Swim Team

Re: 4X100 Relay

Dear Alain,
Talk shit, eat shit.

Sincerely,
The Hitman

P.S. - Enjoy the silver

Things that surprise...and things that don't

What didn't...

That NBC found a way to drag out what probably was at most a three-hour Olympic Opening Ceremony to a excruciating four-and-a-half hours of their own version of commercial-filled Chinese water torture.

That I watched all four-and-a-half hours. (What an asshole.)

What did...

That 2008 Tai Chi experts managed to form and maintain a perfect circle throughout their routine. Impressive...most impressive.

Where's Joyce?

As I watched ESPN to catch up on the day's sports news, I was sickened to death at the amount of Brett Favre coverage. And I really like Brett Favre.

Actually, what bothered me more than anything else was the sheer number of "experts" the Evil Empire found it necessary to put in front of the camera to comment on the most over-analyzed story on the face of the planet.

In just a 15-minute span, the worldwide leader let two studio anchors and seven NFL Live analysts barf out any and every opinion they could think of. That doesn't even include the three on-site reporters who filed stories.

And so I thought back to a scene from that classic movie, The Naked Gun, in which the eight announcers, including Dr. Joyce Brothers, are jammed into a broadcast booth for the Dodgers-Angels game.

That was 1988 and a marginal joke at best.

Now it's 2008 and ESPN was dead serious.

And while I'm at it...

Having grown up in New Jersey and witnessed the overall lack of sportsmanship of Jets fans over the years, I officially give Favre two interceptions before the crowd starts screaming, "We want Chad. We want Chad."

Down but not out

Easy Reader LIVES ON!!!

Hold on to your hats

Team RBI won its first (and only) game of the summer Friday afternoon with a 9-5 victory over the San Antonio Hackers.
And then reality set in for the remainder of the weekend...

vs Shari D-backs - Lost 15-3
vs Central Texas Sun Devils - Lost 13-1
vs San Antonio Gators - Lost 10-2

The games were uglier than the scores would indicate.
For the record, Team RBI finished the season 1-13.

Headlines that make me shake my head

Now I ask you, why is ANY of this considered real news?

'Vietnam to free Gary Glitter this month'
'Man beheads girlfriend on Santorini island'
'Men end up happier than women'
'Study confirms 'Kevin Bacon' theory'
'Nuggets couldn't win big, so they're giving up'
'Stern claims he didn't threaten ex-Sonics owner'
'Dan Quayle won't 'Dance''